Surviving the last innings of bachelorhood

It’s summer time and seemingly the most active time of the year with every body from Soft drink manufacturers to cricket administrators (IPL) getting ready for the action to begin and to add to the heat, we have General Elections coming up followed by T 20 World Cup; I hope amidst the recession blues, this summer provides the platform for economic recovery so that market comes back on track and so does our increments J
I too have my task cut out this summer and that is to stay bachelor till the next one! However the attack promises me to keep me on the back foot as most of the factors are not favoring the stroke play and that brings me to the topic that keeps me busy all the time especially when I am at home on weekends
I must admit that I have become kind of an expert tackling the most complex question of my life these days and the credit goes to all my so called relatives who have now one point agenda in their life and that is to get me married! Well I don’t blame them as they all have reached there 60’s and more importantly they have got their children tie the knot so until they get to the point where they are changing nappies of their grand children or probably making them listen to the Ramayana they have pretty much nothing to do but to find the next target and become a little busy in their routine life, mind you finding a girl or a boy is much more than just fun for them as they get to do the whole lot of gossip and debates
No matter wherever I go, thanks again to my cousins both maternal paternal (they have made sure that I am the last man standing with all bachelors in my family are at least 20 years older than me), I get to face every body with one question in their eyes I have classified all such people in to various categories, read carefully as you never know you might just be the one fairing in one of those!

I. Right arm fast: It is hard to escape them, they don’t allow you to settle on the crease and their sole purpose is to send you back to the pavilion immediately as according to them my innings of bachelorhood is long due for retirement and since I am not in a mood to declare, their one and whole purpose of survival is to steal my freedom away, these are your very own close one’s and includes your parents and sisters or brothers. Their deliveries are unbelievably most of the time unplayable pitches on the off and if I make even a slight mistake rest assured that you will see the stumps uprooted for a picture perfect shot for a bowler. There have been a lot close LBW appeals so far however some factor or the other such as “height”, “color”, “kundli” etc have given me the benefit of doubt and luckily I have survived to face another one

II. Right arm medium: These are your close relatives like your masi, mami, bhua, chachi etc., the best part about them is that they can only bowl a limited number of overs depending upon when the fast bowlers decide to take rest and bring them on. They are not that ferocious in their approach and can only bowl with gentle pace which allows you to get your eye in and play shots accordingly but I must say few of their deliveries are very nagging as they will tempt you with half volleys and slow bouncers to which I generally play well by avoiding to have a go at them, Pretty safe but irritating as they don’t give too many runs away

III. Right arm slow orthodox: Under estimate them at your own risk, they look absolutely harmless and when you least expect, their deliveries turn from no where and you get in to the saving act, these are your very own close group of friends who most likely are in the same boat and experiencing similar tough batting conditions and hence they need a venting, they will slowly almost casually alarm your parents about a relationship which does not exist and while they laugh away on your condition, things turn from ugly to worse and suddenly the pressure to leave the crease becomes immense; Deliveries like ‘Aunty ab to is ki shaadi kara do, kitni ladkiyo ke saath aur ghoomega?’ are surely goanna put you on back foot


While I continue to survive the battle, the umpire (read God) seems to be in my favor and understands that my innings is far from over and I am quite hopeful that factors such as above will not withstand in my way to remain unbeaten till the appropriate time and than I shall declare the innings gracefully getting ready for the next one!

Osama Un Plugged : Letter from Osama Bin Laden to its army

Letter from Osama Bin Laden to its army:

My greetings to all fellow warriors and many congratulations on achieving success against our most favored nation, there is something about this land which invites us again and treats us with utmost importance; the recent attack is even more critical as it is an answer from our side to the so called “emerging superpower” that we can come, have a good time (over 3 days) and ensure that the so called growth slows down, In more ways than one, our success is a great confidence booster for carrying out attacks of even more vigor and proves that we can bring down the nation of billion plus people to its knees in a matter of half an hour. Don’t take me wrong, it is not that this is the only nation I am smitten over, In fact our list of distinguished targets include U.S.A, U.K, Israel to name the few most important but there is something about India which makes me revisit this land with so much freedom that I have always felt welcomed and I am not saying it with out any merit. The land is so diverse in terms of demographics that half of our work gets easily done by their internal communal conflicts; The politician in western part burns the street of its own state in order to get its fellow northern state people out (mind you, both belong to the same nation) and the northern politician in turn run rallies, abuses his counterpart in west art to rage anger amongst people resulting in conflict between the two states and the most funny part is that few months down the line, you see party workers of both states exchanging places for few bucks; This land also provides us with an impeccable platform in terms of triggering off any communal violence with again Politicians helping us in a great deal. The great work done by our esteemed martyrs is often seen as a responsibility of either of the community and politicians leave no stone unturned in politicizing the issue and gain votes from the “other” community, The nation can always easily be seen in a state of instability be it ‘Gujjars’ trying to regain their rights, or some government associate being chased after for corruption and even soothing sight these days has been the top army officials names appearing in local blasts at a place called “Malegaon” making our job even easier, thousands get burnt over the name of religion and yes you guessed it right!, Politicians again at work with finding opportunities to gain votes

As you see, all the above-mentioned stuff provides us with an excellent framework to carry out strikes at our own will These are golden days for us, the year 2008 has been extremely successful with an average of almost one strike every month and we have been able to reach beyond metros and hit the common man in Jaipur, Gujarat, Ahmer and U.P and not to forget exceptional series blasts carried out beautifully in Delhi, Bangalore by our local partners residing in those areas Poor investigating officers keep running from one to the other locations in hope of finding any clue and often declares success when they calmingly catch one of our friends , I can just laugh at such moments as I only wish if these guys knew about our real intentions, we are not here to live on but to terrorize their citizens, carry out maximum destruction and become a martyr.

The security in side is of sub standard and that proves as the catalyst for us to kill at will with our men roaming in the streets under the nose of police and getting trained on their own geography learning about the loop holes and ways to strike them hard.

Other day I was wondering about the way to enter in Mumbai and strike and much to my pleasure, another friend from their side, named “Dawood Ibahim” proved to be of great help providing his smuggling route through to be used and rest is all history.

The NSG commandos have no doubt given us some rough time but by we did achieve our objectives again thanks to the lazy politicians who took as long as 4 hours to decide that they need special force to tackle our brave commandos who have been trained on their own land

So friends to summarize, when ever you feel difficulty in spreading your wings in difficult western states, always remember there is one nation which will always welcome you with red carpet, In fact it can be used as a pilot for testing all our latest weapons, strategies while we have already begun to give final shape to our next strike, I see on T.V a half bald, old politician on T.V from India asking for votes blaming the current government lead to these attacks, This politician is apparently is set to become chief of the nation early next year, Need I say more?

With Love,

Osama

Aussies in wonderland !

You see blood in eyes, you feel the power in your palms, you see standards going beyond all levels; you see history being made and often written by your own hands, You see the whole world taking notice; you feel the force with you and you see only and only win as losing is not an option when you face mighty Australia

Aussies are in India for all important test series and ODI’s, not for the first time but this series certainly is going to be the most important one for both sides as we have already seen the buildup when Indians went to the Island and gave a tough fight and even clinched the ODI trophy, Ponting will surely have those scars open and fresh. The challenge this time is not just to return the favor but also to prove the supremacy, which has become the talking point since when India beat Australia in the famous 2001 series in their own backyard but with both teams ageing especially in the longer version of the game, we have a contest on our hands. Players like Laxman & Dravid who single handedly showed the way out to Kangaroos are today more worried about saving their own place in the team while the Oz have come with quite an inexperienced side especially in the bowling department, Experts say that the current Australian squad will have to do beyond what the had been doing to re establish their dominance, So will India be able to match up!

Rivalry Quotient

World champions have proved their mettle to their world and have dominated every team but if one team has repeatedly come in their path of victory, it is Team India, No other team has challenged Australia as often as the T 20 champions have and that too on different playing conditions, be it home or neutral, Many of us might argue the point that India has still a lot to do to match the levels of kangaroos in the longer version of the game but no denying to the fact that in the past few years especially in the last series, India has proved that it can give Aussies a good run for their money. Whenever two teams battle it out in whites there is a sudden increase in adrenaline of players and you can see even an average player touching new highs, In short it’s the clash of two titans that brings out the best from the players

Owing to the factors mentioned above, even God (Read: Sachin Tendulkar) did comment that India vs. Australia is now a bigger rivalry than India vs. Pakistan, so come October 9, don’t be surprised if you see few curfews and leaves in your office, after all it’s best vs. better than the best contest

Players Form

It is not a surprise that experts all round the world are looking at Australia with a different eye today, According to Ian Chappell, Australia’s primacy can be challenged since half of their team have hung up their boots. Clearly with the absence of Mc Grath & Warne, the attack looks little toothless; It will be up to Brett Lee & co. to carry the responsibility on its shoulders, The aussies look quite ok in batting department with one causality of Symonds who could have made a huge difference to the team’s balance, Not just he is a good player of spin, his aggression can turn around the match at any given point. The home team too looks wary with the all time great middle order facing the surprising identity crisis and must be under huge pressure to deliver. Saurav’s exclusion from Irani trophy could translate to non-inclusion in to national side, which in my opinion handing over too much in terms of hospitality to the visitors, Yuvraj Singh too is under pressure with his poor form, though the opening pair looks formidable which is good news as Indians have struggled for quite some time to find answers to the opening woes. Ishant in particular would be seeing blood after his successful debut against visitors and less said would be better for Bhajji who would be raring to go against Oz more so for emotional reasons! This series is perhaps the last chance for seniors to save their falling grace and much deserved fitting farewell which looks not too far and I hope Kumble realizes the fact as his captaincy has also been under scanner since he has been asked to take up the role after Dravid resigned from the position

Playing conditions

Though Australians will be starting their tour at the outset of autumn, considering the temperature they are used to in their home It will still be pretty hot for them and with almost half the team playing first time on Asian soil, things can go beyond just being “hot” humidity and turning tracks are nothing new on Indian pitches however it should give a lot of peace to the like of Lee that last time SA beat India with pacers taking 19 of 20 wickets which establishes the fact that Indians are shaky against swing & bounce irrespective of surface. From India’s perspective, weapons of mass destruction in the form of Kumble & Harbhajan must fire in order to make any impact….

Cricket Controversies
India vs. Australia has become a synonym with controversies. Last tour down under was no less than a disaster in terms of un fair play and personal fights and Harbhajan must be missing Symonds most for the same reason however his other aides will be there and you can expect a lot more verbal volleys than googley if things go out of control, hope fully both teams have learnt their lesson and we will get to see pure cricket with no malice however knowing the Australian style of playing the game, it would be hard to expect no action!

Watch out for players who have been under scanner for some time especially Sachin & Laxman and I am sure they will have few surprises up their sleeves for the visitors and if that happens, nothing can stop India from displacing Aussies from no. 1 position……Go India Go!!

Blow the dust ...away..!

It was 6:10 pm I just took a u turn in front of Lifestyle mall in Raja Garden and was headed towards Dwarka to celebrate birthday of one of our friends. Just then my friend received a call, the person on the other side was another friend of ours; She told her to reach to the safest possible location ASAP. I was anxious due to her replies to the person on the other side and her face too looked full of tension. Soon she informed me that there has been a blast in Gopaldas building in C.P. My first reaction was “It was coming” Though the tragedy’s news was shocking but to be honest it was not surprising at all considering the recent blasts in Jaipur & Ahmedabad. Even at the time when I heard the news of blasts in those places, I felt bad but couldn’t feel the impact; however this time when it happened right outside the building in which I started my career, I just didn’t feel bad, there was a wave of endless emotions and before I could react my phone ranged “Calling Dad”, I could understand his reason of call. He is otherwise less spoken and hardly ever talks in an authoritative tone but in the conversation of about 3 minutes, I could hardly speak and received orders to come back home immediately. I was more closer to my original destination and after numerous discussions, I finally decided to head towards Dwarka as safety of my female friend was equally important and I couldn’t have left her alone in these troubled times. We shortly received confirmed news of 5 blasts across Delhi, Karol Bagh, CP and GK; All the places where we could have easily been; In fact we changed the location to meet Raja Garden from CP to buy gift at the very last moment!

But quite a few others were not lucky enough and could not escape the terror strike. Official numbers say 30 people have lost their lives while 100 odd people were injured. News channels were carrying the disturbing pictures of blast victims and distorted looking blast sites, I was curious to watch the news but we decided to not to watch TV, The mood had mellowed down to a large extent but still we carried on with our reduced gathering while numerous calls poured in from all possible corners of the nation and we were glad to answer them and reply anxious messages ensuring we were safe.

Our talks endlessly digressed to the tragedy and we helplessly vented our anger out. I reached home early morning and on my way I saw signage written “India Gate” & “ Karol Bagh” while I was crossing Dhaula Kuan, For once my heartbeat became faster knowing the fact that I was quite close to all blast sites. Following the tragic event, one would expect heavy security; however to my utter surprise, I did not encounter even a single men in Khakhi and drove with out any checking till my house despite crossing sensitive places like dehli Cantt & Airport on the way. On reaching home I encountered another bad news of Cricket Australia giving a second thought about the upcoming tour against India due to security concerns

It is just a small illustration of how important is a citizen’s safety is to government authorities. India has always been subject to terror attacks and quite surprisingly, every attack has given boost to the evil powers and no learning to people in power, Be it Akshardham attack, Mumbai, serial blasts or Parliament attack, we don’t seem to have any system in place which can prevent repeat of such inhuman incidents in future, London for instance post blasts in underground stations has developed a system for preventing such attacks in future. The system includes a dedicated team including Dogs who are expert in tunnel activities. The CCTV’s have a wide range and work 24*7, In fact these cameras led to cracking the case; Govt. is equally concerned about people privacy and hence the cameras automatically blurs the image in case any building comes in its range but captures every single movement in public place. There is a team of experts set up who diligently watch movement of individuals These experts are responsible for pre empting any unlike event by studying body science 7 visual language of people. I know all of this can still not gurantee safety but says a lot about concern and efforts took to ensure it

We on the other hand are more bothered about Maharashtra’s Marathi and Up’s Hindi language barriers. Politicians have unmistakingly repeated similar comments and tirelessly given same assurances but to no result. The fact remains that common people are still burning. Every citizen has lost faith in security and does not feel safe while going out. Police on the other hand seems helpless, despite of early warnings; forces did not act to prevent such a heinous crime. Militant groups are openly mocking the security and challenging the administration to stop them. The recent e-mail from Indian Mujaheddin (IM) group who took responsibility for attacks declared, “the dust will never settle down”. Does that mean that thousands of lives will continue to get buried under that dust with no hopes of any one clearing it? I believe that with government, people are responsible too for the safety however the fundamentals of the current government looks very weak and any involvement from public might not get results that ideally should be expected. We don’t want Nuclear deal, not even strong monetary policy to control inflation, even eco friendly fuel is of least importance to us IF you can not guarantee or at least make effort to guarantee our survival, We don’t want tall buildings of rock and concrete All we need is a strong foundation which can blow the dust away and never allows to settle again